i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
