Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
