you lied. pity sex is amazing.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Randomize
