Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
