the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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