is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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