hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
