You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
