i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
