sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Randomize
