Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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