sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
