She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
