If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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