after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
