He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
