I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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