We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
