Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
We smell like vodka and hangover
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