he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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