I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
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When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
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So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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