Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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