I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
