I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
