I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Randomize
