He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
They have beer where we have blood.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
