also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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