He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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