Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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