Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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