I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
