So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
