don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
This toilet bowl is my home.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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