you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
We have so much sex to catch up on
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
