TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize