The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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