did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
