If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
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Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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