I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
