i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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