What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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