my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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