my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
