You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
