i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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