do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
