im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
