I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
