a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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