no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
