sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
