He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
