i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
