I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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