idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Fuck appropriateness.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
